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Be the Calm in the Storm

March 31, 2020 By Lisa Alessi 2 Comments

Without question these are unprecedented times that call on us to dig deeper into our resiliency reserves. Our abilities to handle dynamically changing environments and stress are being put to the test. Experience has shown us that the more present we can be in times of great change, the less we distort what’s going in our current reality and can maintain calm.

As leaders, people look to us to set the tone. While we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t get stressed, we do need to be cognizant of how we show up and model a sense of calm. The best way to do this is by learning to work through our own reactivity and develop resiliency practices that will sustain us so we can be the sense of calm for ourselves and those around us.

In times of change, we need different practices on board to fortify and sustain us through crisis. Focusing on the following 4 resiliency areas have proven to reduce stress, strengthen resilience and manage your energy so you can be more effective.

Resiliency Area #1: Calm Your Nervous System (body)

With increased stress, we go into survival mode and our bodies engage the fight, flight or freeze reflex. Cortisol floods our systems, increasing our heart rates. We start to breath more rapidly and tense up. To counteract this cascade of events, we need to give our bodies time to clear the bloodstream of stress hormones by slowing everything way down, getting present and giving ourselves time to decompress.

Slow your breathing – it sends a message to your brain that you are not in fight or flight.

  • Try belly breathing – breath in for 7 seconds and out for 11
  • Military breathing technique – breath in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, repeat

Get into your body with these simple grounding practices

  • Do a body scan — start by feeling into your toes, wiggle them, feeling your back and butt on the chair, feet on the ground, release and relax any tension you have in your shoulders, neck jaw, soften your gaze
  • Stretch for 5 minutes, go for a walk in nature
  • Meditate – try apps like Headspace, Calm, 10% Happier
  • To release jittery energy — do an intense workout, bounce on a yoga ball for 5 min

Slow your pace – literally, slow everything way down. When stressed, it’s natural to want to speed up, take action or push through and that’s when we tend to make mistakes. Take this as a cue to slow down and stop multi-tasking.

  • Do one thing at a time especially when you become increasingly distracted and losing focus
  • Take a break, get perspective
  • Move slowly

Resiliency Area #2: Tame Your Mind

When faced with uncertainty, most of us want to come up with a plan to create a sense of safety. With this virus though, information is changing so rapidly, we’re often unclear about what’s going on, let alone the best way to handle each challenge. As a result, we start contingency planning and list building for things that haven’t happened, as a way of “controlling” the situation.

When you find yourself distracted or your anxiety levels going through the roof, try to focus on what’s needed in the next hour. If that’s too much, try minute by minute. While we cannot control the circumstances surrounding this virus, we can manage how we respond to it.

Redirect Your Thinking to the Present

  • Visualization — Try visualizing something that will stop the swirling in your mind. Imagine a stop sign and redirect your focus to a tranquil scene like a babbling brook, cascading ocean waves
  • Self-coach — Ask yourself, am I ok right now, in this moment, get present
  • Limit your screen time – be cognizant of the information you’re taking in and how it affects you
  • Focus on what’s in your sphere of control – Instead of focusing on everything that’s outside your control, refocus on things that you can do something about. This gives us personal agency.
  • Be mindful of your inner dialogue — redirect negative self-talk – I’m doing the best I can, I’ve trained my entire life for this moment

Resiliency Area #3: Stay connected (Heart)

When in survival mode for a sustained period of time, it’s easy to start cycling in and out of burnout. When you couple that with mounting stress and lack of sleep, you’re apt to feel a myriad of oscillating emotions – anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, overwhelmed or even denial. It’s natural to want to push these darker feelings away, pushing through them. Others cope by isolating, thinking it’s better to keep these feelings to themselves and later judge themselves for not being stronger, more resilient or courageous.

The key is to move through the intensity of emotion by creating a little space for them. Find ways to share what you’re feeling with people you trust and stay connected with others.

  • Process what you’re feeling with those who love and support you
  • Journal how you’re feeling
  • Stay Connected with loved ones – if you’re sequestered, Facetime, Videoconference, text, have a virtual dinner, exercise or watch a movie together
  • Participate in group discussions — share how you’re feeling; knowing you’re not alone helps
  • Self-Coach — Ask yourself, what do I want in this moment, let that inform next steps
  • Reach out for support – to your friends, colleagues, support system to tell people what you need
  • Keep your Routines or develop ones that support you – sleep, exercise, eating well
  • Practice self care — take a bath, listen to music, give your family a hug
  • Mark the transition from work to home — when you’re done with work, take some time to decompress, let go of your work stuff, get present at home
  • Release judgement of how you’re feeling – “I’m doing the best I can”

Resiliency Area #4: Be purposeful and intentional (Soul)

At times like this, I heed the sage words of Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor and author of a Man’s Search for Meaning. He believed that our meaning in life was defined through significant contributions in our work; our relationships and most challenging experiences. It is purposefulness and connectedness that brings joy even in the midst of death, chaos, fear and loss.

With great challenge, we may not be able to control our circumstances, but we can choose how we respond to them. Being intentional helps guide us through the dark patches and provides hope and inspiration for all of us for what’s on the other side.

  • Remember Your Why – keep front and center why your work is important to you
  • Be intentional –Ask yourself how do you want to move through each day/situation? Take a moment to pause and reflect on how you need to show up to achieve what you want
  • Add Levity — find ways to connect with others in meaningful ways and lift each other up
  • Humor is the ultimate connector – share a laugh, a joke, a funny message, it lessens the intensity so we can lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously
  • Show kindness and respect for others – everyone processes stress and change differently, we are all flailing in our own existential dilemma. It’s not personal, remember that!
  • Contribute — Try to focus on what you “can” do to contribute
  • Use your Strengths — Support others by doing what you do best
  • Practice gratitude – let people around you know how much you appreciate them in the moment
  • Be the calm in the storm – instead of spreading panic, doubt and worry. Spread calm, love, compassion and I guarantee the result will be more connecting and uplifting.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.”
~ Thomas Merton

Filed Under: Career, Decision making, Leadership, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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5 Reasons to Find Your Why

November 30, 2014 By Lisa 1 Comment

Do you ever feel ungrounded in your work?

Studies indicate more than 80% of the US population are unhappy in their jobs. Many people go through the motions every day without a sense of higher purpose or direction. They struggle with defining their cause and pinpointing their inner motivations.

If you find yourself nodding in agreement, then chances are you haven’t identified your Why. Many people get a glimpse of their Why momentarily, only for it to disappear into the abyss as the changes and challenges of life take center stage.

Before I immersed myself into my coaching practice, I had a nagging feeling that something was missing in both my career and my life. I was accomplished, but never relished my achievements. I lacked deep satisfaction and was always on a quest for the next thing.

Finding my Why has done more for my personal and professional development than any other training, book, or coaching approach I’ve tried.

The people I work with tend to agree. The day after one client found her Why, she wrote, “This morning, I woke up feeling more whole and complete than I can ever remember.”

Who doesn’t want to feel like that?

Here are 5 more reasons it’s important to Find Your Why:


1. It grounds you in who you are and who you are becoming.

Finding Your Why allows you to see the choices you’ve made throughout your life in a new light. You can see the big picture. You not only gain perspective on your strengths and weaknesses but also how they’ve played out and made you who you are today.

A client shared:

I had no idea how much this work would amp up my self-love. And talk about seeing everything through a light of love–it transformed some of my old stories like I never imagined possible. I feel like I have a whole new relationship with myself.

2. It gives you the power and authority to lead your life knowing what you stand for.

When you uncover your Why, your inner motivations will be revealed. This allows you to stand up for what you believe in from a position of strength, knowing exactly who you are and what you believe.

One client struggling with whether to take a huge promotion with increased leadership responsibility shared, “Finding my Why was an essential part of building the confidence I needed to take that leap and pursue the next steps in my career; I was amazed at how much easier everything came into play once I was clear.”

3. You become a more effective communicator and leader.

When you talk about your Why, people who share your beliefs will be drawn to you.

Like a politician that can’t drum up enough support for their cause—if you can’t communicate why you are doing what you’re doing, it’s hard for people to support you.

Contrast this with someone who inspires you to grow. They’ve likely shared their convictions with you and you believe in their cause.

4. It helps you build resiliency in times of change.

When you are deeply connected to who you are and understand why you do the things you do, you can take a step back in stressful conditions and gain perspective before acting.
By accepting and honoring your weaknesses and leading with your strengths, you radiate authenticity and are less likely to be drawn into battle with colleagues, friends, and family. Through awareness, you gain objectivity and reduce reactivity.

5. It gives you direction and clarity in decision-making.

When you know what is important to you and why, you have a solid foundation for making decisions. You are able to start each day doing what you love and what you want to do because the decisions you make –where you spend your time, energy and money, and the way you work—are all aligned with your Why and the conditions in which you thrive.

In short, your Why is what drives you, gives you energy and deeper satisfaction. It’s ultimately your reason for being that gives you direction and serves as a guiding light allowing you to be all you can be.

Filed Under: Career, Decision making, Leadership, Motivation and Behavior

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Great Leadership Starts with One Step

November 28, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

Have you ever felt an incredible desire to change something at work or in your personal life but backed down because it just seemed too hard?

Some of my biggest regrets were times I retreated from taking on increasing levels of responsibility in leadership roles, usually turning them down because I didn’t feel like I had the skills, the backing, the time or the energy.

I guess that’s why the movie, “The Help” strikes a chord within me.  Each time I’ve seen it, I feel more inspired and uplifted by the messages of courage and transformation.

Set in Jackson, Mississippi during the Civil Right’s Movement, the story revolves around a very strong and resilient group of women who fight the status quo of the domestic servitude, the culture they were born into.

The character that resonates with me the most is Abileen, a black maid who belongs to a long line of women who’ve raised dozens of children born to repressive white socialites.  She teaches these children the values of appreciation, respect and unconditional love, virtues that are not reciprocated by the families she serves.

Abileen desperately wants to speak up against the manipulation, intimidation and abuse she and her community have endured, especially after her 24-year-old son dies as a result of negligence at the hands of her oppressors.  But she hesitates.  She pushes down her desire to take initiative for fear of repercussions.

Abileen is what I call a reluctant leader.

When Skeeter, an aspiring journalist and rebellious white socialite approaches her to tell her story, at first Abileen won’t even consider it.  She fears speaking out against the people she and her family have been working for generations.  She’s afraid of what they might do.

But most importantly, she’s afraid no one will be listen.  She’s been treated as if she were invisible all her life.

When she does start writing and sharing her stories, she finds she has a voice and powerful lessons to share too.  She starts talking with her community, women who have supported each other in hardship and celebration.  She has conviction and inspires them. They want to join her too.

They want to expose the travesties they have endured at the hands of their oppressors — exposing them for who they are.  They want to be heard.

Without even realizing, Abileen becomes the leader within her community by taking the first step to share her stories.  She then empowers them by creating the vehicle to join forces and speak up for what they know is right.

Together, they create a movement that has power and energy to change not only the way they are treated but the way others around the country are treated too.

In this clip, Abileen is seen owning her voice as a writer and standing up to the lead antagonist in the movie and her manipulative tactics.

As Abileen’s preacher says, “Courage isn’t just about being brave.  It’s about overcoming fear and daring to do what is right for your fellow man.”

This is how reluctant leaders change the world.

It starts with the willingness to stand up for what you believe and know is right for you, your people, your community, your followers.

How about you?  What’s your first step?

Filed Under: Career, Communication & Interpersonal Relationships, Decision making, Leadership, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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The Courage to Be Creative

November 27, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

If you’d like an infusion of fun innovative energy and to create unabashedly, take 10 minutes to check out this series of videos, guaranteed to draw you in and make you smile.

The first video was created by Harvard University’s Baseball Team doing their rendition of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. Their parody spurred a movement among college baseball teams and other club sport across the country to create their own renditions.

The second video was created by Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez and friends. The homemade feel and their willingness to make this song their own is refreshing. For a group of performers who are used to major productions and very aware of their public image, it’s freeing to see them let loose and have fun.

The last video, by the original artist, brings us back to a time of innocence and freedom.  It showcases the vulnerability and intensity of emotion felt with high school crushes almost like the validation we so often look for when embarking on a new path or starting something new.

What I love about these parodies is the energy you feel watching these kids come together to creatively express themselves and make it their own.  The videos are fun, upbeat, collaborative and automatically draw you in.

Think back now, can you say the same about the last project you initiated?

Their courage to be seen and willingness to drop the need to create a polished image and perfect their execution provides us with inspiration to:

  • Be more creative in our work
  • Overcome fears of taking risks
  • Experiment with new modalities
  • Collaborate with others in new ways
  • Lighten up and have some fun

Whether you are leading an initiative, embarking on a new career path, starting new work or invigorating an established project, I encourage you to think of these kids and employ some of their strategies.

I guarantee people will be drawn to your energy, readiness to stretch and put yourself out there.

Addendum:  check out this one!

Filed Under: Career, Creative Thinking, Leadership, Personal Development

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The Missing Link to Deep Satisfaction

November 23, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

Do you ever feel like something is missing in your life but you can’t put your finger on it?

For most of my career, I felt disconnected in one way or another from what I was doing.

I had excellent roles and career opportunities, worked with great leaders and committed myself to efforts that helped many people. There was no doubt in my mind, I was engaged in rewarding work.  But regardless of how successful I was, I still felt there was something missing.

Being passionate has never been my problem.  

When assigned to a project or engagement, I would dive head first into it.  I would go after my goal with determination and drive, only to finish with a feeling of apathy or indifference — saying to myself  “ok, what’s next.”

No matter how much recognition and respect, money, promotions or accolades I received, once the engagement was over, the feeling of internal satisfaction and contentment eluded me.

I lacked internal purpose and direction.  

Over the years, I’ve spent an enormous amount of time, energy and money searching for “the” book, blog, magazine or course on leadership, self development and career directions that would give me the answer to the questions I was searching for — how can I gain greater satisfaction and what should I be doing?

I read books on following your passion, becoming more creative, how to be an effective leader, how to achieve greater satisfaction in your day, how to connect with your true self and on and on.  I followed cutting edge research on brain science, psychology, motivation and behavior. I took just about every type of career assessment out there — personality, strengths, skills, interests and aptitudes, got those down!

But even with all this knowledge, I was coming up short.  This lack of internal direction was making me feel like there was something was wrong with me!

And not so surprisingly, I’m not alone. People spend BILLIONS of dollars on career and self development products every year!

So why does internal purpose and direction remain elusive for so many people?

The answer is in the question.   Your internal purpose or your “WHY”  — what you stand for, ultimately your reason for being — is internally directed.  Yet, many of us consistently look outside ourselves for the answer.  We secretly want someone to take us under their wing, validate what we’re doing, tell us we’re making the right decisions.

The first major reason is really not our fault, we’re socialized to look externally.

From the way we are raised and educated to the way we are incentivized in the companies we work for, most people focus on external validation and recognition.  We want rewards and praise yet if we don’t understand how our work is related to what internally drives us, we loose motivation and direction.  For more on this topic, Dan Pink, author of Drive, does a fantastic job describing the issues with working for incentives vs. purpose in this TED talk.

The second major reason internal purpose baffles us is due to the way the brain processes feelings.

We have difficulty pinpointing our “WHY” because the part of the brain that processes emotion doesn’t control language.  We have an intuitive sense of what our “WHY” feels like but we cannot easily express it because the limbic system doesn’t simply translate those feelings into words. For more on this topic, watch Simon Sinek’s incredibly moving TED talk as he elaborates on this and much more on his work with the “WHY.”

The third major reason it’s elusive is that it’s hard to see what’s right in front of your face.  

To illustrate, try a little experiment.   Raise your hand about a foot away from your face and take in as many details about it as you can, the palm lines, texture, color, even how it feels.  Now, move your hand towards your face so it’s almost touching.  Blinding, almost overwhelming, hun?

Same thing goes for your purpose.  When you are so close to it, you can’t see it. 

For me, it took introspection over time facilitated by skilled coaches.  The answers truly lie within but because we’re so close to it, we just need a little help teasing it out.  It is possible to do it yourself but in my experience, it most cases it takes an objective witness, a good coach or an intuitive friend/colleague to see the patterns of your “WHY” emerge.  When you nail it, you realize it’s been with you since the very beginning.

In the end, rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you!  The missing link to deep satisfaction is knowing and living your “WHY.”  You just might need a little help to find your way to it!

If you are interested in learning more about coaching options, click here.

Filed Under: Career, Decision making, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of None

November 22, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

Mastery-or-DirectionDo you wish you could focus on just one thing — growing, developing, and mastering that one art?

I did.

I used to be envious of people who’d pick one profession and stick to it their entire career.

I longed to be like the musical prodigy, who, from the age of two, knew she was going to play in the symphony. Everything she did, every choice she made fostered the skills she needed to master her craft.

For me, it’s never been that simple.

I’ve always had many interests and passions and my career reflects it with a resume resembling a zigzag pattern — musical prodigy I am not!
It used to bug me to begin a new role with passion and zest only to gain the skills and have my interest fizzle out and start looking for something new.

I’d lose my drive and feel like there was something wrong with me — why can’t I figure this out? Why can’t I be like the musical prodigy and stick to one thing?

After some serious soul searching I realized it wasn’t mastery that I craved, because I love to expand my horizons and try new things. It would be boring as hell for me to stick to one thing.

What I really wanted was to know that my work had greater meaning and that I was on a path — building towards something bigger.

I wanted purpose and direction.

It wasn’t until I figured out why I was driven to do the work I do and took inventory of everything I had learned with each role that I was able to put the pieces together.

I realized there’s been a common thread through my career, with each job giving me skills and experience that are essential to what I’m doing right now.

When I saw the connection between my choices and roles and their relationships to the work I do now — it all made sense.

And with this a-ha moment came a new appreciation for myself. I stopped beating myself up for being a misfit.

I had been apprenticing for the role I am leading right now — my entire career!

This exploration has become a key driver for my work and I now see the importance of uncovering why we are motivated to do the things we do—because it helps us see the big picture!

When we make everyday decisions that tie back to what we truly believe in — values, principles and motivators–that’s when our lives take on greater meaning and direction and ultimately lead to greater satisfaction and appreciation for our work and ourselves.

Filed Under: Career, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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6 Ways to Make Your Work Matter

November 21, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

Would you be surprised to learn that career fulfillment is not about money?
We’re socially conditioned to focus on the external rewards of our work — the money, the raises, the promotions, and the titles — as a measure of our success and key to greater happiness.

However, psychologists, sociologists, and even economists have repeatedly shown that satisfaction at work is not derived from these external factors–as entertainingly and eloquently presented by Dan Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.

The key to greater daily fulfillment and satisfaction results from doing work that you enjoy, has greater meaning than just a paycheck, and is important to who you are on an intrinsic level.

Try these six strategies to add greater satisfaction to your work.

1. Align Your Work With Your Core Values.

When we are entrenched in the daily grind, it’s easy to lose site of our values. We become complacent, drained, or frustrated with the dramas of the day.

When you are closely aligned with your core values, you are able to prioritize what’s most important and let others know what matters most to you.

If integrity is a core value and you are being asked to compromise, let others know where you stand. If teaching is a core value and it’s not part of your role, find ways to incorporate it into your day.

The first step is identifying your core values and then finding ways to honor them throughout your day.

2. Focus On The Bigger Picture

Focus on the reason why you are doing the work in the first place – to provide service to people in need, to create products that will help others, or to improve the way we live our lives.

When you know that what you are doing goes far beyond making money, daily setbacks such as unhappy customers or dissatisfied colleagues have less significance.

3. Get Clear On What You Want

Is this job a means to an end? Do you have bigger aspirations for your role? Are you gaining skillsets that will help you for your next endeavor?

Getting clearer on what you aspire to do and knowing what you would like to achieve are great ways to stay focused on your greater purpose.

4. Simplify What You’d Like To Accomplish Each Day.

We often have task lists that carry over from day to day. It’s not unusual for me to have a to-do list that exceeds ten to fifteen items. But research has shown that we underestimate the time involved with completing each task, leading to greater dissatisfaction and demotivation.
Try starting a list of your top two to three priorities each day and reward yourself with each accomplishment.

5. Challenge Yourself

The best way to enter the zone, or what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls a state of flow, is by doing something that motivates you to stretch beyond your current skill level.

The struggle to reach beyond your current ability with a clear focus or target in mind is important to achieving that wonderful feeling of elation, complete engagement, and a sense of wholeness.

6. Build a Board of Champions

We are wired to connect with others. It’s been proven that we exchange emotions back and forth with our colleagues and friends. Make sure that exchange is springboard for your success and not an energy drain.

Become more aware of the people surrounding you each day. Do they motivate and support you or do they bring you down? Limit the contact you have with the energy drainers and increase the time with those who uplift you. Seek out mentors and colleagues who provide encouragement and advice that inspires you.

The key to each of these recommendations is self-awareness – taking time to figure out what’s important to you and what lights you up, then finding ways to lead with what matters most.

Investing the time to adopt any of these tips will reap you rewards–not only in satisfaction, but greater well-being. Doesn’t that sound like a great way to rock your work?

Filed Under: Career, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

November 20, 2014 By Lisa Leave a Comment

A tribute to my mom, an inspiring woman with a remarkable passion and zest for living.
Parting is such sweet sorrow -Pierrette-Vene

I think Shakespeare had it right.

When we lose someone we love, there’s such a sweetness to be gleaned from reflecting on who they were and what they instilled in each of us along the way.

My mom was an incredible woman with an equally incredible spirit that could light up a room with her warmth and joie de vivre. She was bold and self-assured, had a twinkle in her eye and a fire in her belly. When she set her mind on something, she was a force to be reckoned with. She approached life on her terms.  She was not afraid to take charge and go after what she wanted with determination and vigor.

She had her share of hardships, but she never lost sight of her ability to choose. She always knew in the end, she was the one who got to choose — how she would react, how she would feel and how she would choose to move forward. In times of struggle, instead of becoming a victim, she used her resolve to propel herself forward.

As her health began to decline, when her medical and physical challenges seemed insurmountable, she would bounce back with resilience that was so typical of her personality. Everyone around her learned to embrace these extra moments as a special gift to relish in her wit and mastery of putting people at ease.

As I was visiting towards the end, she was sitting in a chair with her eyes closed, struggling with each breath.  We were all on edge and feeling helpless.   One of her aids walked over and asked “Mrs. Vene are you ok?” She opened her crystal blue eyes and said, “Oh, I just love all the attention.” Even as she struggled to take her last breaths, she found the strength to say something to make other people smile, to put them at ease and make them feel like they were making a difference.

She was also an amazing nurturer and caretaker.  She fiercely protected the people she loved and was not afraid to take a stand for what she felt was right. You knew where you stood with her and people gravitated to her inner strength and authenticity.  She was the real deal.  What you saw was what you got. She was a lover of life and appreciated the people around her.  She had the uncanny ability to see through to your core.

If you were lucky enough to be taken under her wing, she’d find out what was most important to you, then gently nudge you by holding you to your desire, innocently asking questions like what’s going on and how are things progressing to keep you on course.

Over the years, several people have told me, “Your mom is amazing. She has a unique way of making everyone feel special.”

She was a romantic and an optimist.  She would often ask me, “are you doing what you love Lisa?”   Or with the grandkids, “Are you dating anyone?  Are you happy?”  She would then revel in the details of any new venture, romance or the sheer power of our independence.

She was passionate about figure skating, dancing, musicals and not so surprising — reality TV — with the Bachelor, Celebrity Rehab and Dancing with the Stars being her most recent favorites.

She loved to eat and had been known to skip her main meal for dessert.  Her favorites were chocolate covered peanuts, spaghetti with meat sauce, garden fresh tomatoes, corn on the cob, pomme frittes and a nicely charred piece of steak with a slice of apple pie.

She was a cool hip grandma.  She loved to read. She kept young and free spirited always on top of the latest news on celebrity romances, coolest toys and gadgets, newest movies and tv shows.  She loved to be informed. She loved culture and travel and was always planning her next trip.  She loved experiencing new places and adventures and the finer things in life. She loved to flirt and had a special twinkle for the men in her life.  She had charm and grace and didn’t hold back in her adoration.

To say the least, she was a woman of passion and character.

But the biggest gift she shared, aside from giving me life, was a lesson I’m still learning — the art of letting go.

Throughout her life, she possessed the natural ability to detach — to let go — knowing everything would work out just fine. I never fully appreciated this raw talent until now. As a matter of fact, it used to drive me crazy.  How could she pursue something she wanted with such gusto, then just back off for no apparent reason.  She just changed her mind.  It puzzled me to no end. She was amazingly gifted at releasing all attachment and simply enjoying the moment for what is was, a talent I now wish to master.

And in the end, this incredible strength allowed her to be fearless as she prepared for her final journey. True to form, she got to decide when to let go and that’s what she did.   She was talking and then she wasn’t.  There was no fanfare.  There was no pomp and circumstance, she simply let go. She was free from a body that restricted her from shining and moved on to the next adventure, the next awesome journey.

While I am sad that she’s gone and allowing myself to grieve, I am also allowing myself to let go. I am releasing the attachment to her physical being and know that her spirit lives on in me.  I see parts of her in my sister, my kids, my niece and the many lives of people she’s touched throughout her life.

In her honor, I embrace her strength in character and challenge you to do the same—to be bold and stand up for what you believe in; be true to who you are, doing what you love with a passion and zest for living; and most of all, master the art of letting go so you can enjoy the ride every day.

In memory of you mom, the ultimate teacher and inspiration.

Filed Under: Career, Leadership, Motivation and Behavior, Personal Development

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